Where is the hickey?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
