So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
