I feel like I'm in dance class right now
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
