I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
