She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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