There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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