Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
