i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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