Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
