didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You're a waste of cheezeits
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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