Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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