My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
