Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
