glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
