I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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