what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
