You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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