You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
