I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
