hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
