"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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