i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Randomize
