Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
