Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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