i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
