I can tuck mytits in my pants
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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