TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
