got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
