we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
