M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
