My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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