we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
