At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
