im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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