his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
