I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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