it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
