You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
