Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
