Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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