Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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