I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
