im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
