So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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