Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
