You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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