Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
