i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
