Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
