You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
