butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am naked and annoyed.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
