I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
