At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
