Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
