We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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