fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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